HAPPINESS - Kiss Me - In a fake, high school play way

I'll just come out and say it: I'm not impressed with "Kiss Me." The music is flat and boring on both tracks, and it doesn't bring anything new or fresh to the table. The performance is just as flat as the music - I don't know that these girls have any real feelings about being kissed at all. The best thing about the single is how short it is: if it had been longer than two tracks, I'm sure I'd be in a coma. There's some great dancing in the PV, but that's all that this single has going for it. A total shame.

JASMINE - My One...And Only

You guys, I love "ONE." This is a great song. The more I hear it, the more I love it. It's bassy, strong, bold, perfectly performed, gorgeously produced, and the lyrics are even good. Add to this incredible song the beautifully constructed PV - easily one of my very favorites of the year, and likely to become one of my favorite of all time - and... Well, I mean, god-DYAM. Listen to it. Listen to it now! Here: I'll pause the review so you can listen/watch/be impressed.

So now that you see what I mean, I have a question:

How?! How did this incredible song become the A-side to such an otherwise lame single? There's the Mighty Crown remix of "dear my friend" - it's a decent song, and the remix imbues it with a ska sort of vibe that's pretty "different" - and "DREAMIN'" is a good song, though I dislike the choice to include a live version rather than a studio version. Both are just mediocre songs that neither drag down nor pull up the single. But the "ONE" acoustic live version is a sin against the song. Let's not mince words. It would be better if this version of the song had never been born. I like the concept - a capella plus bongo. Ooh! Artsy! But instead of being avant-garde, it's bad in a "hipsters drinking cigarette-tasting coffee" way. The backup singers make Jasmine sound off-key half the time and force her off-key the other half. The drums doesn't suit the feeling of the song and are flatly performed, playing the same rhythm over and over with little variation that would contribute to a better performance. It's like the studio version somehow died and Jasmine tried to resurrect it from the far side of the Black Gate, foolishly thinking that Equivalent Trade and strong alchemy powers would be enough. Well guess what, Jasmine? IT'S NOT ENOUGH. Now you've turned the song into a freaking homunculus. Good going.

Sum up: this album would be so worth it...if the studio version of "ONE" was the only track. As it is, just don't look at those other tracks and maybe you'll be able to get away alive.

PV Fight Break-Up

Starting today, I'll be ending the PV fights.

It's not that I don't love doing them, but...well, they take up a lot of time, and I don't tend to get a lot out of them. Yeah, sure, it means I have an excuse to watch a billion PVs and write about them, which is great, but that's also the problem. Although it may not look like it, I put a lot of work into each little one paragraph review: I watch each PV at least twice (usually more like four or five times), looking at them from every angle I can to see if there's an interesting or artistic angle. If there is I watch even more to pin down exactly what I like and then express it clearly in writing. And if there's not, well, it take a lot of brain power to wittily rip apart those cloned pieces of crap, okay? While brain power is usually not all that limited, time really is, and I just can't afford to spend over an hour on each PV that comes out: I'd be homeless and alone, huddled outside a Starbucks to leach internet and gnawing on my headphone cable for nutrition. All to give you PV reviews.

Well I'm not doing it! I like my apartment, and my husband, and my baby, and my food.

But I do still love to watch and write about PVs. I don't want to stop watching them - any of them. One half of the reason I started this blog was so that I'd have a way to force myself to listen to new releases, and the other half was to force myself to watch and review PVs. (I really wanted a Top 5 PVs of 2010 article for GK, but that's hard to do when you've seen less than 1% of what's out there.)

But how can I satisfy my simultaneous desires for PVs, reviews, home, family, and food?

Well, net-friends, I'll be watching every PV that I can get my twisted, avaricious claws on, but I'll only be reviewing those things that I feel are noteworthy. Let's face it: there are so few that have anything unique, interesting, or truly wretched. Most of them are the 98% of the bell curve: countless "watch the band play the song" PVs, countless "couple montage with happy ending" PVs, countless "everybody's partying in the club" PVs... Concepts recycled so frequently that they may as well start recycling footage. There's almost nothing that's in the extreme 1% on either side; so few PVs like "Diver" or "Ballad" or "ONE," or like "Daisuki Da Yo," for that matter. So I'll be saving my virtual breath for those. If a PV is spectacular or wretched, expect to see a review. But if it's mediocre, why waste my time?

Thanks for understanding. I really don't want to have to eat rocks off the street to give you your PV review fix. (You should seriously consider getting professional help. Abusing strangers to feed your addiction is just wrong.)

Day 9 - Nishino Kana - If

The only Nishino Kana I've ever heard until now was her "Kimitte" PV, and although she's not someone that I'd pick out to buy, her music is pretty good sythny pop. "If" is a pretty typical offering, as far as I can tell, progressing from the pop ballad "If" to the energetic "Beautiful."

"If" is a pop ballad with a decent sound - there's an interesting variety of instruments, including some that aren't very common: in addition to the usual drum machines, synthesizers, and chimes, there are also hand bells and a choir! If you listen carefully to your music at all, "If" makes for an interesting listen. But not necessary a good one: among the synth are gross synth strings. (As a violin player, I can smell those fake strings from all the way across the Pacific, and if GLAY can't get away with it, neither can Kana.) Other than that, though, the song is pleasant enough. A pretty good A-side, but not a standout song.

"I'll be there" is a basic R&B-pop fusion, and my least favorite. Even more gratuitous synth strings! Pardon my third-grade French, but barf! There are also come cutely hilarious parts, like her backup lyrics of "Freva! Freva!" for "Forever! Forever!"*

"Beautiful" is easily the best song on the single, and in my opinion sounds more like an A-side than the A-side! It's fun, bassy, and has a good dance vibe. Also, good pronunciation on this one! (Weird but welcome.) It's a song good enough that I'd be happy to add to a playlist. (Watch the PV!)

*I'm not above making fun of performers' pronunciation.** There's no excuse for blatantly bad pronunciation. There are enough foreigners in Japan and they're rich enough that they can either get language coaching or fluent backup singers. Besides which, even if they don't have a good grasp on how big their Western fanbase is, I'm pretty sure that they know it exists and should be trying to add to that fanbase. Good pronunciation is a good foundation on which to expand into the West.

**I'm hard on them because I love them. It's called "tough love," people!